Letting go

I wake up with a knot heavy in my stomach and now that this is not a feeling I ever want to feel again. This past year has twisted, turned, and knotted me so much that I'm now this new twisted beauty that only the eye of the true beholder can appreciate.

Reflecting back on this past year, I've discovered so much since my departure from the Foss mansion. I've made some true friendships with individuals that I never dreamed I'd ever meet and I am truly blessed to have them in my life. I have learned so much as a newling in this new world, I can't say it's all been happy times, but it has all made me into the vampiress I am now. Those that have always stood by my side, supported me, never judged me for the slips I've made, are my true family.

I needed to say goodbye to my past and look forward to the future. I have my memories all good and bad and they'll always be there, stored away for a day I need to reminisce, but I needed to let go of it all. No more holding onto hope for things that will never change.

I know my twin, Sharon, secretly wishes that our family will return, but I know better. They are gone. My coven family. All have moved on, left to start new lives and I needed to do the same. I'm not the old Viktoria I was when Rick saved me and thrust me into this cursed life for eternity. I can't continue to chase the ghosts of the past with hope that they'll return.

I sigh running my hands through my hair as I rise from the bed. I needed to ground and cleanse. I could feel the energy heavy in my home. The once light and happy home so full of hope for a new beginning. I move to the shower, stripping my clothes along the way, leaving them there as I pad over my plush carpet and into the cool tiled floor of my bathroom. I reach the shower stall, slowly opening the glass door to walk in and start the water. I set the temperature just right, stepping under the spray to allow the warmth to wash over me and down the curves of my body. I lift my palm to rest against the cool wall, my head lowered as the water continues to pelt softly down my body. I close my eyes imagining that the water is made of light, washing my spirit and all the negative energy buzzing deep inside of my solar plex chakra. I imagine it's washing it all down, down into the drain and down deep into the earth. I ask that the energy be recycled, cleansed, and returned to positive to me. I feel my spirit slowly rousing from the darkness that encased it and lift my head to wash the water and last of my tears down the drain.

I grab the soap, lathering it up to wash my body and wash all of this away. I shut the water off after washing and rinsing my hair and step out to snag a clean towel off the nearby hook to dry my body. I wrap it around my body, grabbing another to dry and wrap my hair before returning to my bedroom. So empty, just like the rest of my home. Empty and quiet. Too quiet.

I dress slowly, moving to brush my hair and finishing my morning routine, slipping on my smoky quartz ring. I walk out of my room, heading for my meditation room for my supplies. I grab the sage and my crystal pouch, setting the sage in the shell, my pouch around my neck and light up the sage to get it going. I blow softly on the sage, fanning my hand as I start the cleansing in my healing room. I move around my home, opening all the doors, and fanning the smoke into all the little nooks and crannies to get all the energy cleansed. I finish up downstairs, opening all the windows and the front and back door to allow the smoke and energy flow out of my home. I see the smoke dissipate and feel the atmosphere lighten and know that it is finally cleansed.

I shut everything up, putting out the sage, and returning everything to my healing room. I brush my hands off, taking a deep cleansing breathe and know it'll get better from here on out.

Like a friend said earlier this week to me. "The only way to go when you've hit bottom is up."

I walk down to the front door, grabbing my bag as I head out the door. I open it up stepping out and into the sunlight. I brush my hand over the pink heart stone decorating my neck, as I hold my head up high and smile brightly up at the sky as I say.

"The only way is up!"

Smoky Quartz metaphysical benefits -

Quartz is believed to have the ability to neutralize energy. It aids in bringing the natural Yin and Yang energy flows within the body into balance, which is highly useful when the individual has tendencies to go from emotional highs to emotional lows, or when the natural polarities in the body’s systems need to be brought back to the center. It is an excellent stone for those who work with energy as a means of treating both body and spirit. Several authors have recommended that smoky quartz be used when treating depression and fatigue, stating that it has solid value as a useful tool.

Quartz is one of the most efficient grounding and anchoring stones. It is a superb antidote to stress as it assists in tolerating difficult times with equanimity, fortifying resolve. To dispel stress, place a stone in hand and sit quietly for a few moments. To draw off negative energies, place point away from body. Point the stone towards the body to energize. The stone grounds spiritual energy and gently neutralizes negative vibrations. It blocks stress and assists elimination and detoxification on all levels. Quartz teaches you how to leave behind anything that no longer serves you. For example, it has been known to heal addictions and obsessions.

Psychologically, the stone is a mood elevator- it relieves fear, enhances security and safety, and brings on emotional calmness. It has been known to alleviate suicidal tendencies and ambivalence. It aids acceptance of the physical body and the sexual nature, enhances virility and cleanses the base charka so that passion can flow naturally. Mentally, it promotes positive, pragmatic thought and can be used to give clear insight and to neutralize fear of failure. It dissolves contradictions, promotes concentration, and alleviates communication difficulties. It is also an excellent aid for clearing the mind for meditation.

Quartz is beneficial to one who finds the need to move forward within himself. It can be extremely helpful to one who is contemplating his relationship with life, exploring his value system, and seeking inner meaning. When meaning is discovered, the magic of smoky quartz is said to be excellent in working to bring one’s dreams into manifestation. Smoky quartz connects us with our higher self. It encourages us to take up contact with this higher self and to pray. It tells us to trust our intuition. As such, it is an excellent choice for those who are unaccustomed to the contact with our inner self.

A very practical belief about smoky quartz is that it is most useful in helping settle or calm a disagreement between people. Just as it can bring harmony to the natural energy system of the body, it may also bring about harmony and help to ground a quarrel. The unusual energy, which transforms quartz into smoky quartz, enables this stone to provide one with insight, learning how to see the nature of incarnate existence as a pathway towards spiritual joy.

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